Oh My God Y'all!
Like, Oh My God! Oh My God! Oh My God! Oh My God!
-
My Favorite Mistake
Hey you guys! I’m back! Missed me?
*crickets chirping, tumbleweed rolls past*
Not that anyone reads this anymore, but I decided it’s time I get some of my thoughts down in writing because all this med school shizzle is turning my brain to slush. It’s at the point where I can’t even sleep anymore.
Everything I do these days is to keep myself distracted. I study, hit the books, listen to music, watch TV shows, go shopping, study some more… anything I can to not have to deal with ~What I Found Out~
I really hate it when people are wiser than me.
In my entire life, I’ve probably met, what, two? Three? Let’s say two, two people who I’d readily proclaim as ~worthier~ and ~deeper~ and certainly far more knowledgeable than myself, and I hate what happens to me when I’m around them - the incendiary chemistry scares me. I feel so small that I don’t want to say anything, certain that anything I say won’t be good enough, and I will always be two steps behind but at the same time I’m happy to be merely stepping on the ground they’ve stepped on.
And so there you have it, it’s the reason why I’m what my professors call a ‘good student’ - I have this superfluous need to satisfy the idea of perfection held by my teachers because it’s from there that I draw my sense of self-assurance in terms of both intellect and integrity.
Anywho, the whole point of me gibbering about this is because a few days ago I spent an afternoon with one of these two people whom I hadn’t seen in what must be a million years for rather selfish and unamiable reasons, and not having had this feeling of being extremely small for such a long time, the distant but not unfamiliar sense of being predictable and not better than the other person came back instantly, and I had no choice to not only swallow my pride but throw it out altogether.
But then this person told me something dreadful, and I lost both my speech and appetite despite the delicious root beer and salt and pepper calamari we were sharing. The speech came back, but up ‘til right now the appetite is still MIA. It took me a rather long and zigzagged talk with my inner self to make sense of how I was feeling, what I should do and how much I should allow myself to dwell on the situation. Up ‘til then, all I’d felt was the sick feeling you get in your stomach like when you’d done something bad unintentionally when you were a kid in primary school.
And that’s when I realized that this feeling of being small isn’t really, well, a feeling of being small after all, but caring so much for a person that romantic love wanes in comparison with that rare spiritual connection you have, and it’s both scary and exciting at the same time when you’re looking at and recognizing such a thing.
Its 11:15 AM now, I still haven’t eaten a goddamn thing and got something like three hours of sleep last night. So excuse my babbling, you probably don’t get it and trust me neither has anyone else, but it’s just nice to be able to articulate and make sense of your state of mind without having people throwing back irrelevant advice.
-
I promised myself a pep talk today. So here it goes…
It is only normal to panic. Introduce me to someone who hasn’t had a single anxiety attack his or her entire existence, then maybe I’d believe otherwise. It is actually a good sign; it only means that you don’t have to fret about cerebral inactivity because your noggin is pretty much juiced up to begin with. The thing there is, even though it is normal, you should get over it ASAP. Do not let it linger. Snap your fingers, if you must, to break the trance. Suck in endorphins. Think of quicksand.
After you’ve calmed down, shut the doors, set booby traps, write a death note to whomever it may concern so logic won’t have the option to ditch you. Look logic straight in the eye and remind him that you are the boss, and the boss demands an overtime. Logic stays. You are in charge.
That settled, go on and do what you have to do.
And if in case you still end up the major loser and reverberations of stupidity circle your ears (and believe me, they might be very loud), remember to charge the whole thing to experience and make a mental note not to do the same shit again. And again, go on and continue to love thy self.
-
Wipers - Return of the Rat
Nirvana ain’t got shit on this! Grunge, you say? Yeah, Greg Sage and the Wipers invented that shit.
-
I sometimes feel like Kate Bush is the mother I never had.
-
I don’t understand how these people continue to get record deals one after another and I can’t. They all must be the fuck of the millennium because they’re sure not getting there with just mere talent. They’re like the Stephenie Meyer of music. Ever read her novels? That bitch is dumber than a festering lung. She must have blackmailed someone just to get her book deal.
Life ain’t fair.
-
-
Fuck yeah Gonzo.
“We are all alone, born alone, die alone, and — in spite of True Romance magazines — we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely — at least, not all the time — but essentially, and finally, alone. This is what makes your self-respect so important, and I don’t see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness.”
Hunter S. Thompson (American, 1937-2005)
-
It’s not the load that breaks you down. It’s the way you carry it.Lena Horne (1917-2010)
(Source: historiful)
-
Does anyone else think they ruined Sex and the City’s legacy with those atrocious film adaptations? Now everyone who has never seen the TV show thinks the whole franchise is a big joke because of those terriBAD films that came out. Case in point: some ignoramus blogger who shall remain nameless compared Sex and the City to Pretty Little Liars, Cougar Town, and even Twilight, saying he had seen the films. Very upsetting.
~BORN THIS WAY~
"Thirdy". Perpetually 19. Corporeally 15. Emotionally 7. Mentally 1. I wanna go out and explore the world!
